I talk a lot about storytelling in the coaching I do. We all tend to see the world through the context of our own stories. We’re the narrator AND the main character. Our point of view colors our interpretation of everything we see and all of our interactions.
But what about the story that’s going for the people around us?
Acknowledging their story doesn’t always come second nature to us. We have our own narrator taking up all the oxygen in the room. How will somebody else get it?
I often go back to a basic formula for a story that persists in how we engage with stories as entertainment, but also how stories get crafted inside our heads
Who is the main character?
What do they want?
What’s stopping them from getting it?
What’s at stake if they don’t succeed?
It can be a valuable exercise to occasionally think about your own life in the context of this story. It can also be a valuable exercise to try to see the world through the perspectives of others through this formula.
Maybe you’re struggling to get along with a certain colleague at work.
Who are they? What’s their background? How does that shape their perception of the world?
What do they want? Do they have a goal they are trying to achieve? Or are they just trying to get through the day as painlessly as possible?
What challenges are they facing and what’s at stake for them in those challenges? Is there a way you can empathize with those challenges, and even work together for your mutual benefit on them?
Not everybody in your life is going to deserve this degree of attention. You might not necessarily get it right in your assessment either.
Neither of those are really the point.
The bigger goal of this exercise is simply to take a moment outside of your own head.
You might gain some insight that will help you improve the relationship.
You might find that the tension you feel between you doesn’t come from you, but from them and the challenges they’re working through in their own story.
What exercise and practices do you have for creating more empathy with others? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.
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Storytelling is a fascinating aspect of how we perceive the world and exist as humans. If you’d like to learn more, download the Storytelling Primer below and start learning more about storytelling today.